Chapter 2

Mistake #2 - Bad Copy in Your Online Brochure, Digital Product and Website

Keep in mind It’s about your client. Your brochure must tell your client everything about your product in the blink of an eye; your website must speak boldly to the client. “You deserve to be a winner.  Here is the solution to your problem! Be quick! This is for you!”

Me, Me, Me    

No, it’s NOT about you. It’s NOT about your company and NOT even about your product or services. 90% of companies we talk to fall into the “me-me-me” trap.  The first page of their brochure explains their mission and values. The first page of their website is called “About us”.

DON’T fall into this trap! 

Your potential clients DON’T care about you! Not before they join the dots and get to discover how you can help THEM.  So, focus your copy on your clients and make them understand the value you can create for THEM.

Let’s look at an example of a typical me-me-me online brochure. The front cover is dominated by the name of the company. On the first page you see how big they focus on their mission and values. 

Make your online brochure appealing to your readers. Don’t talk to them about your company or product. They are only interested in your product and your company because they know you’re the solution to their headaches. The above Educational Online Brochure does not focus enough on the clients.

It’s good they mention who the brochure is for but this should be the main message not the secondary one.

Otherwise the general impression is it’s more about them presenting some credentials and trying to establish authority rather than being genuinely helpful to mothers, nannies and nurses.  

Unfortunately, their potential clients, the parents, care far more about their own needs and if they don’t discover in the blink of an eye how their needs are going to be met they’ll search for a better solution.  

This company does not adequately address the question “What’s in it for me?”. Or they do it too late, somewhere in the brochure, in small print. Long after readers have lost interest.

Ok, I’m a first-time parent desperate to find a nanny who is up to the job. How can you help me? I need a quick answer to my problem, so don’t assume I’ll read 3 pages of small text in your brochure to find the answer.  

Why is the approach of our client, Nanny Express, better? You can see below how they make clear from the front cover what’s in it for the parents. 

This online guide is more catchy and appealing for the target audience. It clearly tells why the parents should take the time to read it.  Parents understand it is for them. They get the “what’s in it for me?” part. The photos convincingly illustrate the benefits for them.

Note the hierarchy of the messages. The client’s need, the client’s benefit, the way to get there… and only at the very end the message refers to the company actually doing all these amazing things for the client.

How different from the me-me-me brochure of their competitor.

The direct client-focused copy is reinforced by visuals telling the same story. Your children are well taken care of, so you and your partner can sit back and relax. Your child is happy and you, the parents, are also happy. Leave everything to us, Your amazing team from Nanny Express will make this happen for you.

Use a direct style, talk to your clients not at them, and emphasize the benefits they are selling and how they can get clients who really need them.

Keep the focus on your potential clients’ needs and benefits, not on yourself, your product or your company. The hierarchy of your messages should mirror this logic.  

Make the Most of Your Titles and Subtitles

The worst possible idea is to call the section where you present your service, “Services” or “Solution” or “Product”. It can get even worse in fact: “Our services”. If the same title can be used by your competitor or by a company from another industry, is it a good title for you!? 

Don’t use generic titles. Be specific. Be yourself. 

Everybody sells solutions and products and services. You are unique so communicate this convincingly.  The companies using generic headlines in their brochures or website, simply waste their most important real estate. They completely miss the opportunity to catch the interest of their potential client.

Note the before and after example below. 

Using Generic Headlines will prevent you from standing out from the crowd. It will ensure fewer readers enquire about your product or service

With specific headlines and sub-headlines which are descriptive and point to your client’s benefits, you will persuade more of your potential clients to contact you or make an enquiry DUKE

Why are the headlines in the “after” version so much more compelling?

  • The headlines are more informative
  • The headlines mirror the question in the head of their reader: Why should I even consider this solution?
  • The sub-headline qualifies the right tribe: the early adopters of new technologies

Write Compelling Calls to Action

What’s the worst possible call to action on your website or your blog?

Subscribe to our newsletter

Do you ever use it on any of your pages? Don’t worry you will understand what to use instead.

So what’s wrong with “Subscribe to our newsletter”?

Nobody wants another newsletter or another email in their inbox. We receive 50 to 100 emails daily and many of us use multiple email accounts. Why the heck would I subscribe to another newsletter?

So don’t tell me to subscribe. Show me why I should do it. Convincingly. This means, spell out what’s in it for me. Quickly. On your page without me having to scroll down.

Do you see why terms like 

Be the first to find out about our exclusive offers 


Stay tuned for the latest articles on luxury travel

are so much more powerful?

An even better approach is to offer an educational information product. After your visitors download it, you will tell them 

by the way you are now part of our community. You will receive the latest about X so you will get benefit Y. If you feel this is not for you and you don’t want to get updates from us, you can unsubscribe below 

But what copy can you use to increase the chances your visitor does subscribe? How do you turn your casual visitor into a returning client?  

Use Compelling Calls to Action to Generate Leads Online [Copy Makeover] 

You do so by asking the question

what’s in it for the user?

How can you apply this principle successfully in order to generate online enquiries?

Safefleet is not our client but we have followed the company’s progress and have informally advised them sometimes. We were happy to note their improvement and that’s why we got permission to feature them in this blog article. 

Too many companies use generic calls to action and forget to talk, or write, the visitor into doing the desired action. SafeFleet tells a potential client to request an offer from them and also gives the “what’s in it for me?” information. They do what 90% of companies fail to do.

Why is this so important? Ok, the visitors landing on such a web page have a generic interest in getting a Fleet Monitoring solution. Otherwise they would not be there. Still, they need reassurance they are in the right place and also need to understand in the blink of an eye what benefits this particular solution will bring. Therefore, including all the benefits and the way they are delivered is a “must have”.

Can we improve on this “call to action” opt-in page? Absolutely! Here are 3 easy ways to convince more visitors to ask for our offer.

  • Use a more powerful headline pointing not only at our solution but also at the main benefits it creates
  • Use a bullet list to emphasize the benefits “Fleet monitoring” can bring to the table
  • Make the call to action even more powerful. Include the word “bespoke” which means, essentially, “custom made.”

Let’s put these suggestions to work. The new text will now read as follows: 

Fleet Monitoring Boosts Your Productivity by

• Optimizing your routes through updated maps
• Saving time and fuel with real time traffic reminders
• Managing vehicles on the road for extended periods
• Assisting vehicles to transit difficult areas • Improving fleet activity as a whole

Get Your Specially Designed Offer Now

Only a split test can tell us for sure if these make-overs will increase the conversion rate of this web page.  

Why should we believe they will have a positive impact and generate more online leads?

The text is better structured so the users can scan it faster
The copy is less watered down, more appropriate for busy people with reduced head space and ever shorter attention spans
The makeover better highlights the main benefit of the solution
The smaller benefits are also highlighted in the spotlight inside the bulleted list
The call to action is less generic and more powerful for the target audience

Be Specific with Your Copy inside the Opt-in Form [Opt-in Form Makeover]

Now let’s analyze the next step in SafeFleet’s lead generation funnel: its opt- in form

The good things about this opt-in form:

  • Good use of the headline
  • Asking for just the right amount of information. More would scare people off and less would not give enough information to people making offers
  • Including in a drop-down menu the most important industries they service. This is a great idea! It is reassuring for the potential client to see at an early stage this solution is for his/her industry

Things that could be improved:

  • Make the headline more attractive by adding “Request a specially crafted offer”. It’s ok to propose this since visitors get to choose their industry and the number of vehicles in their fleet
  • Replace the generic call to action button with something personalized such as “Get this special offer” or “Send this special offer”

Another test could be to move the opt-in form above the fold, right next to the main headlines and the bulleted list displaying the benefits.

Get all this  right on your website and you will convert more visitors into potential clients. A clear lead- generation-flow backed by convincing copy is a “must have” if you want to turn your website into a marketing machine. 

The same principles apply if you create
an online brochure or a digital product.  

Be clear about what you want your reader to do step by step. Make your call to action specific to your industry and to the action expected by the visitor.  Avoid a generic call to action. Talk your readers into every little step you want them to take online.  Make them feel it is for THEM instead of for everybody.

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